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Being A Mother- Funny Quotes

Having a baby is one of the most amazing things that can happen to you, but it’s also really stressful. 

Some days are frustrating and others are just plain hilarious. The following quotes about pregnancy and motherhood will give you some laughs when needed!

Pregnancy is one of life’s most special times.  But it doesn’t come without some humorous aspects.  We pay tribute to those here. If you need the perfect funny quotes for mothers to be, you can find them below. We have created over 80 original and humorous phrases to help you get started. 

When you find yourself in need of funny quotes about pregnancy, look no further than this list! We have compiled all of our favorite humorous sayings for expectant mothers here so that you can enjoy these funny thoughts while pregnant.

pregnant mom with hand on her belly

Whether it’s your first time expecting or fifth time around, use humor as a coping mechanism during times when stress seems overwhelming.  Laughing is good for the soul-and belly! 

I hope you enjoy reading them as much as we have enjoyed writing them!

What Are Some Funny Mom Quotes?

  • Here’s hoping your baby is just like you…cause karma is a b***h!
  • You will never love your child more…than when they sleep.
  • My mother never breast fed me, she told me we are just friends. Be better!
  • MY mom used to tell me the most wonderful heartwarming stories about pregnancy and child birth…and how she screamed in pain for 18 hours and her “junk” was destroyed! Ahhhh the memories… 
  •  Just a few hours of hellish pain…and…a mother is born!
  • Yes, pregnant women can be grumpy. You got something to say about it?
  • Early pregnancy signs and symptoms…nausea, vomiting, my mood swings.
  • It takes a village to raise my baby. I need five villages!
  • You are a mother now, your superpower is  poop!
  • Never, I repeat, never say anything to a woman that even remotely suggests that you think she is pregnant, unless you see an actual human baby popping out of her. 
  • Nothing in this world is like a mother’s love, except, you know…wine and chocolate!
  • You know how you know your name, what  day of the week it is, and how to tie your shoes? Yeah, forget about that!
  • You’re about to spend 2 years teaching another human how to walk and talk, then 16 years trying to reverse that.

Sleep is like the unicorn- it is rumored to exist, but I doubt I will see any.

How Do You Send A Funny Message To A Mother To Be?

  • My mom always tells me that a husband’s purpose is for vehicle maintenance, and that the wife’s purpose is to reign as a proper queen! 
  • A baby is God’s apology for the human race.
  • I asked my Mom if she thinks I’m talented… she said she certainly wouldn’t have paid for me. !
  • Just keep one room with soft surfaces and a door that locks for when the kids are going crazy, When they’re done, you can come out. 
  • Don’t listen to all those stories about 36 hours in labor, etc. I’m sure yours will be a breeze
  • “The difference between pregnancy and my period? I can blame you!”
  • A new parent is experiencing the greatest joy known to mankind while learning the hardest lesson – that no matter how much they give, it’s never enough. Welcome to parenthood!
  • “I just wanted a baby! I didn’t know he’d be yours.”

 

Best Gift Ideas For Pregnant Women

  • I wonder if soon-to-be mothers have a song they listen to before labor. mine was ‘Push It’ by Salt-N-Papa.
  • Don’t worry about your kids giving you a hard time. You can always lock yourself in your room and let your man handle it, that’s what they are for, right? 

Having Fun With Mother Quotes

  • My mom used to say that the only reason men are on this planet are for fixing whatever’s wrong in the house. Hence, every time you feel overwhelmed with your babies, remember that  the second reason is to take his frikkin’ turn!
  • I am certain that your baby will be one of the Nobel Prize kinds, not one of the serial killer kind. 
  • If your baby is gifted, don’t tell him. Nothing worse than an arrogant baby!
  • A mother surely hopes for her new-born child to be THE one to admire. She would want him/her to have beauty, brains, and a but-load of of kindness. I am sure YOUR’S will be fine too!
  • Don’t be too scared by all those scary new-mom stories. I’m not saying they are not true, just no reason to fret NOW.  
  • Remember when we were kids, before baby proofing…yeah, git er done!
  • Being pregnant only lasts nine short months. Well, eight short months. That last one lasts about a year!
  • Pregnancy is when you have two brains and are never so dumb. 
  • Pregnancy is awesome! Eat, pee, fart, as much as you want!
pregnant woman lying in bed with lunch on her tummy
  • Every mother does remarkable things. My mom served us nothing but leftovers for thirty years… we’re alive and well. (Still can’t figure where she got them) Can’t wait to see what your superpower is!
  • As long as you could somehow look ten years younger than your daughter, I’m sure you wouldn’t feel old.  But you are…you’re OLD!
  • I am sitting here staring at the most spectacular person I have ever met. Smart, funny and absolutely beautiful! Yes, I am talking to you, little one, not your mom! 
  • This is the way I see it: if the kids are still breathing when my husband gets home from work, I know I’ve done my job well. 
  • Raising a child is half pure joy and half wondering if you’ll make it out of this battlefield alive.

Funny Sayings About Being A Mom

  • I had to get back to work, the baby and I only had a verbal contract for me to stay home. 
  • When I was pregnant, my butt swelled  up so big it never came back. But I’m sure you’ll be alright…
  • My son and  my favorite game to play is hide and seek. That’s where I hide in a locked closet with a bottle of wine and he eventually comes across a toy and gives up. 
  • You wrestled a bear? Well, I removed a splinter from a 2-year-olds finger. I think we’re even.
  • If there is a tooth fairy, it only seems fair that there should be a wine fairy and a laundry fairy. Kids shouldn’t get all the magic.
  • I want my kids to achieve their dreams and have all the things I couldn’t afford. Then, the guilt starts!
  • Everything about a newborn baby is perfect… until the crying starts. 
pregnant mom standing by a tree in turquoise
  • Everyone knows that the it’s not over until the fat lady sings. Yet, she could stop singing, packs up and goes home, mothers would still be saying goodbye on the phone. 
  • When your mother asks, ‘Do you want a some life advice?’, don’t be fooled. No matter what your answer is, you’re getting it anyway.
  • If a mother has to choose between saving a dog and saving her baby, she would undoubtedly do the latter… with her man as a human shield. 
  • When I was young, my mother always wore a mood ring. When she was in a good mood, it turned blue. When she was in a bad mood, it would not only turn red, but also it would also leave a mark on my butt!
  • My mom’s dinner menu comprises of two choices: take it or leave it.
  •  None of your sweaters are gonna be just yours anymore… it’s your child’s too, doesn’t matter if it’s too big.

Give Your Favorite Pregnant Lady A Laugh

  • A suburban mother’s role it to deliver children. Once at the hospital, and the rest of her life by car.
  • A mom only needs to step into a hot bath to be instantly reminded that she is an integral part of the family. 
  • My teenage son must think I am half stupid for always forgetting the most random things… I’m glad he was too young to remember being left at the mall!
  • Don’t you find it so funny when mothers get so mad that they can’t remember her kid’s name? ‘Come here, Roy, er, Rupert, er, Rutabaga…whatever your name is!
  • A mother could be a hundred years old, blind and deaf, and STILL know that her baby has had a bad day. Mom powers are extraordinary. 

Thoughtful Gifts For Pregnant Women

  • Shower your baby with all of your love, tears, and strength…and get puked on.  Welcome to motherhood.  
  • A mother’s life in a phrase: trapped between a scream and a laugh.
  • A mother shouldn’t be someone to lean on, but someone to make leaning unnecessary. 
  • The destiny of your child is shaped by God… but if that doesn’t work, try bribery!
  • Mothers are fonder of their children than the fathers are, maybe it’s because they literally carry their kids for 9 months.- and dads are dumb!
pregnant woman lying down on bed resting
  • Anyone who does not reminisce the past must’ve never had a great mom to make it so memorable.
  • Whenever life gets hard, my mom always tells me to be like a duck: calm on the surface but paddling like there’s no tomorrow underneath the water. 
  • My mom used to tell me that men gives awards, but God gives rewards. Never stop hustlin’, hun. 
  • Diapers…that’s your life for the next couple of years. 
  • The older I get, the more I see my mom’s traits deeply engrained in myself… the bad ones too. 
  • As we carry our baby in our tummies, we know almost nothing about it, what makes them special… but we’ll love it unlike any other baby, and our love will be unconditional.
  • The first lesson every child should learn in that Momma knows best. Don’t you ever suggest otherwise. 
  • The quickest way to get your babies attention, is to relax for a second. 
  • The bond between a mother and her child is unique, with a deep affection founded on fights. 
  • The fact that mothers still only have 2 hands is proof against evolution!

Hilarious Phrases About Motherhood

  • Any mother could perform the jobs of several air traffic controllers with ease
  • It’s not easy being a mom. If it were easy, fathers would do it.
  • Insanity is hereditary; you get it from your children
  • Mom, I love you and your super long voicemails
  • Our mothers always remain the strangest, craziest people we’ve ever met
  • Spit up is the new black!
  • Every day I wake up and think: How am I becoming more and more like my  mother?
  • Inspiration and focus don’t always come from the divine. Sometimes, all it takes is a mother to slap you back into reality.
  • You know what’s breathtaking? A mom accepts us for who we are, even with faults we don’t even have.
  • They will love you, they will care for you, but they will NEVER accept your Facebook request. 
pregnant woman with love sign on her tummy
  • That woman’s baby is fat, mine has cellulite!  Some babies are just more attractive than others. It’s like they have an unfair advantage in life.
  • Being pregnant is not for sissies…my advice? Don’t be a sissy.
  • The most satisfying part of having kids is that you can hand them back at the end of the day……NOT
  • When you have a baby, they tell you it’ll be the best thing in your life.  Well, I say they are wrong…it’s the only thing!
  • I don’t know what’s worse; waking up at 2 am to a baby screaming, or being half asleep and thinking your husband wants sex.
  • My child is a vampire…he only comes out at night and sleeps all day.

Funny Lines About Being Pregnant

  • At the end of the day, mothers are always right. They are walking encyclopedias. 
  • A mother is one’s friend and first love… she could care and hate her kid at the same time. 
  • I am certain that YOUR baby’s smile will be because of you…not gas. 
  • Mothers are the heartbeat in the home, the one that keeps the family alive together. Without her, there would simply be no life. 
  • Mothers are very much like superglue. Even when they’re not with you, they’re still holding the family tight.
  • My mother: a beautiful, composed, and strong human being. A woman like that is what you should aspire to be when you grow up.
  • Mothers are heavenly angels sent by God to warm the hearts of little children.
  • Congratulations, you are well on the road to living in an asylum run by the residents!

Funny Sayings About Being A Mom

  • The first lesson every child should learn is that Momma knows best. Don’t you ever suggest otherwise.
  • The quickest way to get your baby’s attention is to relax for a second. 
  • Being a Mom keeps you young. You don’t stop playing because you’re old, you become old when you stop playing!
  • Be grateful for each day, the good and the bad…it’s what makes mommas so strong.
  • There’s no one on earth like a mom…she’s the foundation of greatness.
  • Moms have it tough…being perfect isn’t easy!
  • It’s not easy being pregnant. It’s only easy once, so make the most of it!
  •  It’s not the baby crying, it’s you!
  • I’ve cleaned up after some dogs…but never a baby. If you’ll excuse me, I have to go scrub my floor.
  • What is the hardest part of having kids? Being around other people’s kids.
  • No matter how big my house is, I can never get away from my kids.
  • I’m not a bad mom, my kids just have really bad judgement.
  • You’re not a mom until you’d rather get chewed out by your kid than by your boss.
  • I have more pictures of my dog on my iphone than I do of my children.  I’d better not get caught!
  • I have been mother to three dogs, two cats and a ferret…and I’m not crazy about any of them!

Quotes



If you were to open up a baby’s head – and I am not for a moment suggesting that you should – you would find nothing but an enormous drool gland.



When your first baby drops her pacifier, you sterilize it. When your second baby drops her pacifier, you tell the dog: ‘Fetch!



A child enters your home and for the next twenty years makes so much noise you can hardly stand it. The child departs, leaving the house so silent you think you are going mad.



When my kids become wild and unruly, I use a nice, safe playpen. When they’re finished, I climb out.



Ma-ma does everything for the baby, who responds by saying Da-da first.



Having a new baby is like suddenly getting the world’s worst roommate.



Sleep when your baby sleeps. Everyone knows this classic tip, but I say why stop there? Scream when your baby screams. Take Benadryl when your baby takes Benadryl. And walk around pantsless when your baby walks around pantsless.



A baby changes your dinner party conversation from politics to poops.



Having an infant son alerts me to the fact that every man, at one point, has peed on his own face.



None of it is real until all of a sudden they’re standing there covered in slime and crying. You’re like, wait a minute, what is that?