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Being A Mother- Funny Quotes

As a mom-to-be, you’re probably feeling a range of emotions, from excitement to anxiety.  It’s normal to feel some trepidation about the upcoming changes in your life, but ty to focus on the positive aspects of motherhood.

To help you stay positive (and laughing), here are some funny, mom (to be) quotes about parenting and motherhood.  Enjoy!

Pregnancy is one of life’s most special times.  But it doesn’t come without some humorous aspects.  We pay tribute to those here. 

So go ahead and take a break from reading pregnancy books and nesting.  We’ve rounded up some of the funniest, laugh out loud pregnancy quotes, we think you’ll love!

pregnant mom with hand on her belly

Whether it’s your first time expecting or fifth time around, use humor as a coping mechanism during times when the endless stress seems overwhelming.  Laughing is good for the soul-and belly! 

I hope you enjoy reading these funny mom quotes as much as we have enjoyed writing them! Like all parents, you will laugh later…

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What Are Some Funny Mom Quotes?

  • Here’s hoping your baby is as mouthy and adorable as you are, cause karma is a b***h!
  • You will never love your child more…than when they sleep.
  • My kids seem to be really good or really bad.  They take after their father!
  • There’s no such thing as sleep when you are raising kids! 
  •  Just a few hours of hellish pain…a watermelon sized person through your lady parts…and…a mother is born!
  • If I have to hear one more round of itsy bitsy spider, I’m gonna vomit!

Funny Quotes for Mothers To Be

  • Yes, pregnant women can be grumpy. You got something to say about it?
  • Becoming a mom is like getting on a roller coaster without fastening your seat belt!
  • Kids:  they’re tiny drunk people…with snack holes!
  • Dear Mom, I love you! -The Bump

Funny Mom Quotes For The Ultimate Mother's Day

  • You are a mother now, your superpower is  poop!
  • Never, I repeat, never say anything to a woman that even remotely suggests that you think she is pregnant, unless you see an actual human baby popping out of her. 
  • Having kids is an amazing experience.. that I’d like to forget.  
African American pregnant woman with concerned look on face
  • Having kids means you will never go to the bathroom on your own… for the next 16 years!
  • You’re about to spend 2 years teaching another human how to walk and talk, then 16 years trying to reverse that.
  • Honestly how many endless rounds of itsy bitsy can you do in one day!  Apparently not enough for my kid.

Sleep is like the unicorn- it is rumored to exist, but I doubt I will see any.

How Do You Send A Funny Message To A Mother To Be?

Forget about all the bad stuff- you are going to be a mom! Kids are just adorable little creatures that require all of your time, energy and strength.  But then they mean of course endless rounds of laughter, joy, and abject happiness. 

The remarkable thing is that, in thirty years, all you will remember is the laughs. Enjoy these laughs on the joys of motherhood: 

  • Becoming  moms means we have accepted we will never sleep again! 
  • Having kids mean you will have a permanent sticky purse!
  • Having a little man is like living in a frat house.  You never know what’s going on in the next room and you always smell like pee! 
  • Having children is like getting a tattoo…. You know it’s going to hurt, but you can’t imagine how much!

Best Gift Ideas For Pregnant Women

Funny Quotes For Pregnant Women

  • My kids are like the police…..They never let me have any fun.
  • I just wanted a baby! I didn’t know he’d be yours.
  • My children are like a pack of wild animals.  They’re cute, but I wouldn’t want them in my house unsupervised.
  • As long as I’m pregnant, my husband is safe.
  • Pregnancy is like a really bad cold……you just have to wait it out.
  • Pregnancy is nature’s way of making sure you never have two good nights’ sleep in a row.
  • Pregnancy is a beautiful thing….until you try to put on your shoes.
  • Pregnancy is a time when you have to give up a lot of things……like sleep, sushi, and tequila.

Laugh Out Loud Quotes for Mothers To Be

  • Being pregnant only lasts nine short months. Well, eight short months. That last one lasts about a year!
  • Pregnancy is when you have two brains and no functioning brain cells. 
  • Pregnancy is awesome! Eat, pee, fart, as much as you want! Soon you will have a 2 year old!
  • I may not be able to drink alcohol, but at least I can eat for two!
pregnant woman lying in bed with lunch on her tummy

Funny Sayings About Being A Mom

  • I had to get back to work, the baby and I only had a verbal contract for me to stay home. 
  • When I was pregnant, my butt swelled  up so big it never came back. But I’m sure you’ll be alright…
  • This is the way I see it: if the children are still breathing when my husband gets home from work, I know I’ve done my job well. 
  • Raising a child is half pure joy and half wondering if you’ll make it out of this battlefield alive.

Funny Quotes For a Pregnant Woman

  • You wrestled a bear? Well, I removed a splinter from a 2-year-olds finger. I think we’re even.
  • If there is a tooth fairy, it only seems fair that there should be a wine fairy and a laundry fairy. Kids shouldn’t get all the magic.
  • Everything about a newborn baby is perfect… until the crying starts. 
pregnant mom standing by a tree in turquoise
  • When I was young, my mother always wore a mood ring. When she was in a good mood, it turned blue. When she was in a bad mood, it would not only turn red, but also it would also leave a mark on my butt!
  • My mom’s dinner menu comprises of two choices: take it or leave it.

Give Your Favorite Pregnant Lady a Laugh

  • A suburban mother’s role is to deliver children. Once at the hospital, and the rest of her life by car.
  • My teenage son must think I am half stupid for always forgetting the most random things… I’m glad he was too young to remember being left at the mall!
  • Don’t you find it so funny when mothers get so mad that they can’t remember her kid’s name? ‘Come here, Roy, er, Rupert, er, Rutabaga…whatever your name is!

Thoughtful Gifts For Pregnant Women

  • Shower your adorable baby with all of your love, tears, and strength…and get puked on.  Welcome to motherhood.  
  • A mother’s life in a phrase: trapped between a scream and a laugh.
  • In my day, a mother’s menu consisted of crackers, milk, and a healthy serving of stress. 
pregnant woman lying down on bed resting
  • Diapers…that’s your life for the next couple of years. 
  • The quickest way to get your babies attention, is to relax for a second. 
  • I want my children to have all the things I couldn’t afford. Then I want to move in with them.  -Phyllis Diller

Hilarious Phrases About Motherhood

  • Any mother could perform the jobs of several air traffic controllers with ease.
  • It’s not easy being a mom. If it were easy, fathers would do it.
  • Parenting Tip: Inspiration and focus don’t always come from the divine. Sometimes, all it takes is a mother to slap you back into reality.
  • Wave goodbye to a clean home, sleep and eating your own food. 
  • They will love you, they will care for you, but they will NEVER accept your Facebook request. 
  • My child is a vampire…he only comes out at night and sleeps all day.
pregnant woman with love sign on her tummy

Funny Mother's Day Quotes

You think your first Mother’s day is going to be a calm, relaxing day surrounded by your whole family.

NOT!

So after being covered in vomit, eaten burnt toast for breakfast and listened to Dad snoring on the couch! 

The following year, you’ve booked an overnight stay at a hotel, poured yourself a nice glass of wine and threw your phone out the window, so nobody can find you!

Happy Mother’s Day to you!

  • If you’re not yelling at your children, you’re not really their mom! 
  • Accept that for the next 20 years of your life, you will not get a full night’s sleep!
  • Does anyone want my four kids today? Nope, no takers…..?
  • Being a mom to me means that I will never be alone again…….EVER.
  • By party I mean, let’s stay up until 9:30.  JK, I can’t stay up that late.
Pregnant womans belly with face drawn on

Funny Sayings About Being A Mom

I had this idea in my head to stay home and party with my little guy.  After 3 weeks, I went back to work

  • It’s not easy being pregnant. It’s only easy once, so make the most of it!
  •  It’s not the baby crying, it’s you! Have a juice box. 
  • No matter how big my house is, I can never get away from my children. 
  • With kids, rest is just a concept- never a reality!
Pregnant wife with husband pretending to be pregnant

Quotes



All we can do is hope we have put enough money aside to pay for our kids therapy.



The majority of my diet is made up of food that my kid didn't finish!



Make sure you have enough money to pay for our children's therapy.



I always say if you aren't yelling at your kids, you're not spending enough time with them.



Ma-ma does everything for the baby, who responds by saying Da-da first.



No-one told me I would be coming home in diapers too!



Sleep when your baby sleeps. Everyone knows this classic tip, but I say why stop there? Scream when your baby screams. Take Benadryl when your baby takes Benadryl. And walk around pantsless when your baby walks around pantsless.



Becoming a mom to me means that you have accepted that for the next 16 years of your life, you will have a sticky purse.



Having an infant son alerts me to the fact that every man, at one point, has peed on his own face.



None of it is real until all of a sudden they’re standing there covered in slime and crying. You’re like, wait a minute, what is that?