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Funny 70th Birthday Quotes

It’s hard to know what to say in a card for a 70th birthday.  Do you focus on the fact that they’re getting old, or do you try and make light of the situation?

Whatever route you choose, make sure it comes from the heart.  After all, this is a momentous milestone!  

When crafting the perfect birthday message for someone whose mind runs faster than the body, include 70th birthday wishes to engage their sharp wit, inspire their future endeavors, and imbue your words in their memory.

Also, make sure that their 70th birthday card is accompanied by the perfect birthday gift- something chosen with an amazing person who’s only 70 years old in mind!  

What Do You Say For A 70th Birthday?

  • Maybe you can’t catch up with the grandkids at seventy years old, but as long as your mind runs faster than their hands you can still catch them in the act!  Sending you the best 70th birthday wishes.
  • At 70 years old, you get to eat all the birthday cake you can!  Don’t burn the house down when you blow out all the candles, happy 70th birthday, wishing you all the joy in the world.
  • Although you may remember the 70’s like a wild time, your 70’s can be just as groovy! Wishing you a very happy birthday.
  • Soon you’ll find that a lot of big things come with turning 70: big doctor appointments, large print in your books, and huge pills.  Happy birthday to an amazing 70 year old.  We love you so much! 
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70th Birthday Quotes Funny

  • You’ve accomplished enough to fulfill several lifetimes, and yet you’re only 70 years old!  May your day be filled with ice cream and chocolate cake – your favorite!
  • Perhaps your mind isn’t as quick as it used to be, but it’s still faster than the body you have!  
  • For turning 70, you deserve a really special birthday gift; however, being alive at 70 is a gift in and of itself!  Happy birthday to the most amazing 70 year old!
  • It takes an amazing person to make it all the way to seventy years old, so you deserve to have the biggest birthday bash, happy 70th birthday dad.
  • When you opened your 70th birthday card from me, you may have expected lots of jokes and silly sayings about incontinence, losing teeth, and poor eyesight. However, I just hope that you last the day!  Happy birthday!
  • Because you’re no longer a spring chicken at your age, you don’t have to shake your tail feathers. However, you’re only 70 years old, so you can still strut your stuff!

Being 70 is not a sin!

How Do You Say Happy 70th Birthday In A Funny Way?

  • Finally, you’ve reached your peak of personal perfection, the end of a 70 year wait!
  • Now that you’re turning 70, it’s time to grow up and stop acting like a kid in their 60’s!
  • Driving as fast as your age would be dangerous for everyone involved from here on out; nonetheless, you should celebrate your birthday at 70 miles per hour! 
  • If your mind runs faster than your body, it’s still like a sloth outrunning a slug: no one’s going to get a trophy. Happy birthday to my favorite 70 year old.  
  • Considering how long you’ve kept your doctor in business, he should send you a 70th birthday card, flowers, and the keys to a new car!  
  • Age is just a number.  It’s totally irrelevant unless, of course, you happen to be a bottle of wine!  Today I am sending only the best 70th birthday wishes to my dad,  I love you and can’t wait to celebrate with you.

Funny 70th Birthday Quotes

  • Though you may feel very old, the world is thousands of years old, at least!  So being only 70 years old isn’t that big of a deal, happy 70th birthday mom.
  • Some things are guaranteed, but turning 70 isn’t one of them; in fact, I would say that you outlived your extended warranty by quite a bit already!  Happy 70th birthday dear mother.
  • Considering what an amazing person you are while reading your happy 70th birthday card, just imagine how excellent you’ll be in 10 more years!    

Fun Gifts for 70 Year Old

What are Some Good 70th Birthday Sayings?

  • I have some special 70th birthday wishes just for you; but to read the them you may need a new eyeglasses prescription.  Happy birthday mom! 
  • Because you’re only seventy years old, you’re still too young for the geriatric crowd.   
  • You’re an amazing, wonderful, and unreproachable person, and it took you only seventy years to perfect yourself!     
  • Dancing in the rain might make you feel refreshed and youthful, but it may also break your hip.
  • I’m wishing a happy 70th birthday to you in the only way that you’ll notice: with large print!
  • Respect is something that’s earned over time, and because you’re turning 70, I can assume that you’re the most respected person I know.
  • Only 70 years ago, the world was first blessed with your presence, let’s hope for 70 more, until we have to put you down.  At some point, enough is enough!
  • Dance, party, and live it up but please don’t fall over, or wet yourself, no-one wants to see that, happy 70th birthday dead dad.
older couple celebrating 70th birthday on bikes

How Do You Write A 70th Birthday Blessing?

  • I can’t believe with the amount of liquor you consume, that you actually made it this far.  Keep doing your thing granny!  Thank you for showing me how to live life and not give a crap what anyone else thinks.  Wishing you all the joy and happiness on your special day.
  • Making it to the age of 70 in such great shape is a blessing, but I hope you have many more years ahead of you!
  • My birthday message to you is to live each day as though it were your last because tomorrow is never promised.
  • The best things in life are always measured in memories, not years.  The problem is at your age, your memory is gone!
  • Reaching your age can be seen as making it all the way past 69, or as being only 70 years old. Either way, you haven’t overstayed your welcome, here on earth!
  • Sweet things like you are proof that sugar never expires! Happy 70th birthday, honey.
  • Looking back, you’ll fondly smile when thinking of all the wonderful years that are behind you. However, you have many more ahead of you still, so don’t stop planning for good times after you turn 70!  Sending you all the best 70th birthday wishes!
  • It must be true that your mind runs faster than your body as you age because if your mind was slower than your body it would be at a complete standstill.
  • What is faster than the body it’s attached to, must be exercised regularly, and needs food but never gets far away from you? Your mind, of course. Best 70th birthday wishes to you!
senior woman out for a walk

Funny 70th Birthday Jokes

  • You are now a 70 year old, which means there are two things you survived: Retirement and your 60’s.   
  • Don’t resign yourself to oversized glasses, granny panties, and orthopedic shoes; after all, you’re only 70 years old.
  • Today you are 70 years old!  I don’t know if you remember which day it is, but the cake says “Happy 70th Birthday!”

When you are forty, half of you belongs to the past…And when you are seventy, nearly all of you

  • As long as your mouth is faster than your body, you can ask for help to get to the bathroom in time; therefore, turning 70 isn’t all that bad! 
  • May love, joy, and cake surround you today! Go ahead, it’s free. Happy 70th birthday, you deserve everything today. 
  • Turning  70 means two things.   For one you are officially old, and for the other…never mind, you will forget anyway!
  • Funny birthday jokes and gag gift ideas probably won’t impress you, because at 70 years old, you’ve seen and heard it all.
older couple enjoying jacuzzi on 7th birthday

Funny 70th Birthday Limericks

  • Some would say you’re getting old,
    But that’s not bad if you’re wine or mold.
  • Turning 70 looks good on you
    Of that, there is no doubt
    I hope all your birthday wishes come true
    And that you never do without!
  • Seventy years have come and gone,
    Yet here you are still standing strong.
    I hope you don’t have to try too hard
    To read your 70th birthday card! 
  • A special birthday message is on your 70th birthday card
    I don’t think you can see it unless you look very hard
    So put this down or throw it away
    Because I’m right next to you today!  
  • You’ve seen so much at only 70 years old
    Your memories alone are worth their weight in gold.
    Although you may not have wealth
    At least you have your health!
    Because you’re an amazing person in all that you do
    I’m wishing a happy 70th birthday to you! 
senior couple celebrating 70th birthday outdoors
  • Being a senior citizen is only a state of mind
    So seize every opportunity for excitement that you find.
    You’ve packed so much fun, happiness, and joy into only 70 years
    But still, you chase adventure without any fears!
  • Whether or not you’re feeling of old age
    You’re dancing on life’s final stage
    Today is your day, so say it loud,
    “I’m turning 70 and feeling proud!”

70th Birthday Slogans

  • Funny birthday jokes about being a senior citizen lose their hilarity when you’ve had an AARP card for several years already; however, you’re only 70 years old so there’s plenty more to come!  Buckle up for all your 70th birthday wishes, some you will like, some you definitely will not like!
  • Congratulations on turning 70, which is no small feat.  Especially because you have to walk around with such small feet!
  • Rather than lighting seventy candles, you should just have a bonfire outside with a slice of cake. Wishing you nothing but the best 70th birthday wishes.  
  • Although you may have to cut back on sugar, an amazing person like you will always be sweet! Enjoy your special day with all the energy of someone who’s only 70 years old.  
tw older women heartily laughing at pool

Funny 70th Birthday Quotes

  • Cheeky milestone 70th birthday quips on coffee mugs and birthday cards mean that the 60s have left you forever, but you still collect a pension!
  • It’s never too late in life to have a defining moment, so enjoy turning 70 and party hard girl.  I love you so much. 
  • Grandparents have a way of never being surprised because they’ve seen it all! Happy 70th birthday to my unshakable, unstoppable, and unreplaceable grandpa.
  • Cute little old ladies are my favorite kind of people, and you’re the cutest, littlest, and oldest one I know! I hope you like your 70th birthday card from your biggest fan!
  • I can’t believe that you’re only 70 years old!, I genuinely thought you were 90.  Happy birthday to the best 70 year old I know!
Beautiful woman turning 70

Funny 70th Birthday Quotes For Husband

  • Happy 70th birthday to an amazing person, incredible grandpa, excellent father, and the best husband I could ask for.  A 70th birthday is a milestone, you’d think by now you would have learned how to put the toilet seat down!
  • Happy birthday honey.  You’ve now reached the age where you can no longer blame your farts on the dog!
  • Congrats on making it to your milestone birthday of 70!   You’ve clearly stopped caring what people think, I mean look at what you’re wearing.  Just kidding, I love you honey.
  • There are ups and downs in life, but we rode the rollercoaster together without getting off; however, you threw up a lot. Let’s continue to grow old together!
  • Happy birthday!  You’ve officially reached the age where people start asking if you need help crossing the street!
  • “Old Reliable” is a great nick-name for you, because your restroom trips can be used to mark time! 
  • Congrats on making it to this age!  That’s pretty impressive with everything that’s trying to kill us these days!  Here’s to many more!

Funny 70th Birthday Wishes For Wife

  • Age is just a number if the mind runs faster than you’re willing to drive, and turning seventy means that you won’t go over 35.
  • Looking at you always takes me back to when we were in our twenties, and the passion within me burns just as hot. Happy 70th birthday, to my eternal flame.   But let’s keep the light off, okay!
  • Better than any other birthday message, I’m using your birthday card to let you know that the doctor called and said that you have a clean bill of health. Happy birthday from your loving wife!
wife celebrating husband's 70th birthday at dinner
  • Were you expecting witty 70th birthday greetings from your own wife?  I did try to think of some, after all, but I didn’t bother to copy one down since you can barely see well enough to read a card.  
  • Keeping up with a girl like you was always hard, and now that you’re turning 70, I’m still in your dust, happy 70th birthday to my favorite girl.
  • Don’t think of it like you’re already 70, but that you’re only 70 years old.  Thank you for all the happiness we have enjoyed over the years, you are all the joy I need in my life.
  • Unlike a goldfish, hamster, or puppy, you would’ve been much harder to replace without the kids noticing!  Thank you for hanging around, I love you!
  • Do you know you’ve been alive for seven decades??  That sounds exhausting!! 
funny 70th birthday quotes in pink

70th Birthday Card Messages

Do you know someone who is turning 70 years old, and you want to come up with a some creative 70th birthday card messages?  Check out the following 70th birthday card messages and make someone’s day!

  • Prayers brought an amazing person into my life, and through the grace of God, you became my wife.  Please enjoy your special day, with your husband who’s old and gray.  Could you please stop looking so great, it’s getting harder and harder to keep up with you! 
  • Angels don’t all have wings; after all, you never fly anywhere! Happy 70th birthday, to my wife who truly fell from heaven.
  • Walking everywhere with you is a pleasure, including past this milestone of turning 70. Cheers to another wonderful year together!
  • Wives everywhere should look to you as the golden standard, after only 70 years, you’ve perfected the art of womanhood.
  • Old age happens when you survive being young, which is rare in itself. Surviving a husband like me up to the age of 70 makes you a superhero! 
  • 70 years = 25,550 days.  That’s a lot of days to be happy, motivated, and focused on what’s important in life.  Wishing a very special birthday to my wonderful mom.
70th birthday wishes on blue background

70th Birthday Messages for Cards

70th Birthday Quotes can be sweet, inspirational, or even funny.  No matter what the tone, these beautiful birthday quotes are sure to bring a smile to the face of someone turning 70 this year!

  • Sending the best birthday wishes to my sweet friend, happy birthday mom.  I hope you have a wonderful day, let’s get this party started!
  • To the greatest mother I know, may your day be filled with everything and everyone you love.  Wishing you all the joy today xo.
  • To the greatest mother in the whole wide world, I can’t believe you’re turning 70 today!  Let’s celebrate your life today, and may god bless you, and may he continue to keep you in good health.
  • To my best friend, my mom!  Today is a big day for her, as we all get together to celebrate this big day with her.
  • To my amazing friend, enjoy your day filled with all your favorite things.  You have been a role model to me, enjoy your great day, and have a wonderful birthday.
  • To my dear friend, sending you the best wishes on your birthday, have a great birthday dad.
Mom and dad celebrating 70th birthday

70 Year Old Birthday Sayings

  • Happy 70th to my wonderful father, I hope you have a great birthday, I’m excited to share your special day with you.
  • To my dearest mom, boy you’re old lol.  Just kidding, enjoy your special day, wishing you a wonderful birthday.
  • Happy 70th birthday to such a wonderful woman, today I have planned some fun things for all of us to do together, as we come together to celebrate such an amazing person.
  • Happy 70th birthday wishes to my loving mother.  Today it is a joy to celebrate you my friend.  I am so blessed to have you as my mother, happy 70th birthday mommy.
  • 70 is just a number,,,,,,it’s not how old you are, but how young you feel, happy 70th birthday to one of my favorite people.  You have had quite the life, my friend.
  • The secret to staying young is to live honestly, eat slowly, and lie about your age.  Happy 70th birthday mom, you don’t look a day over 69!
  • You know you’re getting old when the candles cost more than the cake!  
  • To my very first friend, and my amazing aunt, I love you so much, you are the sweetest person I know.  Happy 70th birthday to my special friend.
  • wishing the most fabulous birthday to my very first friend.  We have been besties now for a long (60 gulp years).  We’ve enjoyed an amazing life, as best friends cheers to you today, let’s go enjoy your birthday cake!  Happy 70th birthday, my dear friend.
Birthday cake drawing on pink for 70th birthday

70th Birthday Messages

  • You bring so much joy to my life, it’s only right that on your happy 70th birthday, we are all blessed to celebrate this wonderful woman.  Happy birthday mom.
  • On this special day, I want to wish you all the happiness in the world.  You’ve been through so much in your 70 years, and you’ve come out stronger every time.  I so admire your strength and resilience, and I’m so happy to be able to share your 70th birthday with you.  May your next 70 be even better than the first, happy 70th birthday dad.
  • Hi dad, as you celebrate your 70th birthday, I want to extend my warmest wishes and say how happy I am that you have reached this important milestone.  It seems like yesterday, we were celebrating your 60th, and now here we are at your 70th birthday!  May your day be filled with happiness and all the love in the world.

Happy 70th Birthday Funny Quotes

Wrinkles will only go where the smiles have been

Count your age by friends, not years. Count your life by smiles, not tears

Growing old is mandatory, but growing up is optional

Age is something that doesn't matter... unless you are a cheese!"

Ageing is just another word for living

It's not how old you are. It's how you are old

We are always the same age inside

One day you will look back and see that all along you were blooming

It matters not how long we live but how

Anyone who keeps the ability to see beauty never grows old

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