Funny 70th Birthday Quotes
Being 70 is a milestone birthday that deserves to be celebrated in a big way! And what better way to start the festivities than with some funny 70th birthday quotes! Whether you’re planning a party for a loved one or looking for a witty way to wish someone a happy birthday, these quotes are sure to bring a smile to everyone’s face.
When crafting the perfect birthday message for someone whose mind runs faster than their body, include 70th birthday wishes to engage their sharp wit, inspire their future endeavors, and imbue your words in their memory.
Also, make sure that their 70th birthday card is accompanied by the perfect birthday gift- something chosen with an amazing person who’s only 70 years old in mind!
Here are some 70th funny birthday card messages:
- 70 and still rocking, just a bit more gently!
- 70 is the new 50… in Celsius!
- Age 70: where ‘getting lucky’ means finding your glasses.
- 70 years young and still misbehaving!
- Happy 70th! Just remember, you’re not old, you’re a classic!
What Do You Say For A 70th Birthday?
🎈 Maybe you can’t catch up with the grandkids at seventy years old, but as long as your mind runs faster than their hands you can still catch them in the act! Sending you the best happy 70th birthday wishes.
🎈 At 70 years old, you get to eat all the birthday cake you can! Don’t burn the house down when you blow out all the candles though, happy 70th birthday, wishing you all the joy in the world.
🎈 Although you may remember the 70’s like a wild time, your 70’s can be just as groovy! Wishing you a very happy birthday.
🎈 Soon you’ll find that a lot of big things come with turning 70: big doctor appointments, large print in your books, and huge pills. Happy birthday to an amazing 70 year old. We love you so much!
FREE Birthday Tracker Printable
-Don’t forget another birthday with our handy tracker.
-Give yourself time to get a card or gift before the big day.
-Easy to print PDF download.
70th Birthday Quotes Funny
🎈 You’ve accomplished enough to fulfill several lifetimes, and yet you’re only 70 years old! May your day be filled with ice cream and chocolate cake – your favorite!
🎈 Perhaps your mind isn’t as quick as it used to be, but it’s still faster than the body you have!
🎈 For turning 70, you deserve a really special birthday gift; however, being alive at 70 is a gift in and of itself! Happy birthday to the most amazing 70 year old! Wishing you a day filled with evrything and everyone you love!
🎈 It takes an amazing person to make it all the way to seventy years old, so you deserve to have the biggest birthday bash, happy 70th birthday dad. You certainly know how to live life!
🎈 When you opened your 70th birthday card from me, you may have expected lots of jokes and silly sayings about incontinence, losing teeth, and poor eyesight. However, I’m just hoping that you last the day! Happy birthday!
🎈 Because you’re no longer a spring chicken at your age, you don’t have to shake your tail feathers. However, you’re only 70 years old, so you can still strut your stuff! Happy 70th birthday old man!
🎈 Turning 70 is like turning 21 in Celsius. You’re still young, just a bit more seasoned! Happy 70th birthday!
Being 70 is not a sin!
How Do You Say Happy 70th Birthday In A Funny Way?
🎈 Finally, you’ve reached your peak of personal perfection, the end of a 70 year wait! Wishing you a happy 70th birthday!
🎈 Now that you’re turning 70, it’s time to grow up and stop acting like a kid in their 60’s!
🎈 Driving as fast as your age would be dangerous for everyone involved from here on out; nonetheless, you should celebrate your birthday at 70 miles per hour! Happy 70th birthday my friend.
🎈 If your mind runs faster than your body, it’s still like a sloth outrunning a slug: no one’s going to get a trophy. Happy birthday to my favorite 70 year old.
🎈 Considering how long you’ve kept your doctor in business, he should send you a 70th birthday card, flowers, and the keys to a new car! Wishing you a very happy 70th birthday.
🎈 Age is just a number. It’s totally irrelevant unless, of course, you happen to be a bottle of wine! Today I am sending only the best 70th birthday wishes to my dad, I love you and can’t wait to celebrate with you.
Funny 70th Birthday Quotes
🎈 Though you may feel very old, the world is still thousands of years old, at least! So being only 70 years old isn’t that big of a deal, happy 70th birthday mom.
🎈 Some things are guaranteed, but turning 70 isn’t one of them; in fact, I would say that you outlived your extended warranty by quite a bit already! Happy 70th birthday dear mother.
🎈 Considering what an amazing person you are while reading your happy 70th birthday card, just imagine how excellent you’ll be in 10 more years! Happy 70th birthay!
🎈 After 69 birthdays, you don’t expect to get the perfect birthday gift; however, I hid your pills for a month so that you’d be happy to have them! Happy birthday.
🎈 An amazing person would say that turning seventy is more important than any gift or card therefore, I assumed you just wouldn’t want one. Happy 70th birthday friend!
Fun Gifts for 70 Year Old
What are Some Good 70th Birthday Sayings?
🎈I have some special 70th birthday wishes just for you; but to read the them you may need a new eyeglasses prescription. Happy birthday mom!
🎈 Because you’re only seventy years old, you’re still too young for the geriatric crowd. Happy 70th birthday mom!
🎈 You’re an amazing, wonderful, and unreproachable person, and it took you only seventy years to perfect yourself!
🎈 Dancing in the rain might make you feel refreshed and youthful, but it may also break your hip.
🎈 I’m wishing a happy 70th birthday to you in the only way that you’ll notice: – with large print! Happy birthday my old friend.
🎈 Respect is something that’s earned over time, and because you’re turning 70, I can assume that you’re the most respected person I know. Happy birthday auntie.
🎈 Only 70 years ago, the world was first blessed with your presence, let’s hope for 70 more, until we have to put you down. At some point, enough is enough! Happy 70th birthday uncle.
🎈 Dance, party, and live it up but please don’t fall over, or wet yourself, no-one wants to see that, happy 70th birthday dear dad.
How Do You Write A 70th Birthday Blessing?
Turning 70 is a milestone that deserves to be celebrated with laughter and joy. Whether you’re planning a party for a loved one or looking for a way to wish someone a happy birthday, these funny 70th birthday quotes are sure to bring a smile to everyone’s face.
So go ahead, embrace your inner grump, acknowledge that age is just a number, and enjoy the journey – one funny quote at a time! Pick one of these funny 70th birthday card messages and send it t someone turning 70!
🎈 I can’t believe with the amount of liquor you consume, that you actually made it this far. Keep doing your thing granny! Thank you for showing me how to live life and not give a crap what anyone else thinks. Wishing you all the joy and happiness on your special day. Happy 70th birthday.
🎈 Making it to the age of 70 in such great shape is a blessing, but I hope you have many more years ahead of you! Wishing you a happy birthday.
🎈 My birthday message to you is to live each day as though it were your last because tomorrow is never promised. Happy 70th birthday granddad!
🎈 The best things in life are always measured in memories, not years. The problem is at your age, your memory is gone! Happy birthday to my favorite aunt!
🎈 Reaching your age can be seen as making it all the way past 69, or as being only 70 years old. Either way, you haven’t overstayed your welcome, here on earth! Happy birthday mom
🎈 Sweet things like you are proof that sugar never expires! Happy 70th birthday, honey.
🎈 Looking back, you’ll fondly smile when thinking of all the wonderful years that are behind you. However, you have many more ahead of you still, so don’t stop planning for good times after you turn 70! Sending you all the best 70th birthday wishes!
🎈 It must be true that your mind runs faster than your body as you age because if your mind was slower than your body it would be at a complete standstill. Happy 70th birthday!
🎈 What is faster than the body it’s attached to, must be exercised regularly, and needs food but never gets far away from you? Your mind, of course. Best 70th birthday wishes to you!
Funny 70th Birthday Jokes
🎈 You are now a 70 year old, which means there are two things you survived: Retirement and your 60’s. Happy 70th birthday, I hope you have an amazing one dear friend.
🎈 Don’t resign yourself to oversized glasses, granny panties, and orthopedic shoes; after all, you’re only 70 years old.
🎈 Today you are 70 years old! I don’t know if you remember which day it is, but the cake says “Happy 70th Birthday!” Happy birthday mom!
When you are forty, half of you belongs to the past…And when you are seventy, nearly all of you.
Humerous 70th Birthday Wishes
🎈 As long as your mouth is faster than your body, you can ask for help to get to the bathroom in time; therefore, turning 70 isn’t all that bad dear friend
🎈 You’ve been alive for seven decades, let’s keep going for another 2 at least! Happy 70th birthday mom.
🎈 May love, joy, and cake surround you today! Go ahead, it’s free. Happy 70th birthday, you deserve everything today. Happy birthday dear friend.
🎈 Turning 70 means two things. For one you are officially old, and for the other…never mind, you will forget anyway!
🎈 Funny birthday jokes and gag gift ideas probably won’t impress you, because at 70 years old, you’ve seen and heard it all. Enjoy all the birthday wishes coming your way, I love you.
Funny 70th Birthday Limericks
🎈 Some would say you’re getting old,
But that’s not bad if you’re wine or mold.
🎈 Turning 70 looks good on you
Of that, there is no doubt
I hope all your birthday wishes come true
And that you never do without!
🎈 Seventy years have come and gone,
Yet here you are still standing strong.
I hope you don’t have to try too hard
To read your 70th birthday card!
🎈 A special birthday message is on your 70th birthday card
I don’t think you can see it unless you look very hard
So put this down or throw it away
Because I’m right next to you today!
🎈You’ve seen so much at only 70 years old
Your memories alone are worth their weight in gold.
Although you may not have wealth
At least you have your health!
Because you’re an amazing person in all that you do
I’m wishing a happy 70th birthday to you!
70th Birthday Slogans
🎈 Being a senior citizen is only a state of mind
So seize every opportunity for excitement that you find.
You’ve packed so much fun, happiness, and joy into only 70 years
But still, you chase adventure without any fears! Happy birthday my old friend.
🎈 Whether or not you’re feeling of old age
You’re dancing on life’s final stage
Today is your day, so say it loud,
“I’m turning 70 and feeling proud! Happy 70th birthday dear friend.
🎈 Funny birthday jokes about being a senior citizen lose their hilarity when you’ve had an AARP card for several years already; however, you’re only 70 years old so there’s plenty more to come! Buckle up for all your 70th birthday wishes, some you will like, some you definitely will not like!Happy 70th birthday to my wonderful father.
🎈 Congratulations on turning 70, which is no small feat. Especially because you have to walk around with such small feet! Happy birthday mom.
🎈 Rather than lighting seventy candles, you should just have a bonfire outside with a slice of cake (it would be safer). Wishing you nothing but the best 70th birthday wishes.
🎈 Although you may have to cut back on sugar, an amazing person like you will always be sweet! Enjoy your special day with all the energy of someone who’s only 70 years old. Wishing you a very happy 70th birthday.
Humorous 70th Birthday Wishes
Use these funny 70th birhtday card messages to send someone turning 70! Find a birthday message you think will speak to them, and send it off, it’s as simple as that!
Make their day with some funny 70th birthday quotes!
🎈 Cheeky milestone 70th birthday quips on coffee mugs and birthday cards mean that the 60s have left you forever, but you still collect a pension! Happy birthday to you.
🎈 It’s never too late in life to have a defining moment, so enjoy turning 70 and party hard girl. I love you so much. Happy birthday.
🎈 Grandparents have a way of never being surprised because they’ve seen it all! Happy 70th birthday to my unshakable, unstoppable, and unreplaceable grandpa. Happy birthday.
🎈 Cute little old ladies are my favorite kind of people, and you’re the cutest, littlest, and oldest one I know! I hope you like your 70th birthday card from your biggest fan! Happy birthday aunties.
🎈 I can’t believe that you’re only 70 years old!, I genuinely thought you were 90. Happy birthday to the best 70 year old I know!
Funny 70th Birthday Quotes For Husband
🎈 Happy 70th birthday to an amazing person, incredible grandpa, excellent father, and the best husband I could ask for. A 70th birthday is a milestone, you’d think by now you would have learned how to put the toilet seat down! Happy birthday darling.
🎈 Happy birthday honey. You’ve now reached the age where you can no longer blame your farts on the dog! But, I still love you, happy birthday honey.
🎈 Congrats on making it to your milestone birthday of 70! You’ve clearly stopped caring what people think, I mean look at what you’re wearing. Just kidding, I love you honey, happy birthday.
🎈 There are ups and downs in life, but we rode the rollercoaster together without getting off; however, you threw up a lot. Let’s continue to grow old together! Happy birthday my love.
🎈 Happy birthday! You’ve officially reached the age where people start asking if you need help crossing the street! Don’t worry I’m here when you need me, happy birthday love.
🎈 “Old Reliable” is a great nick-name for you, because your restroom trips can be used to mark time! Happy birthday sweetheart.
🎈 Congrats on making it to this age! That’s pretty impressive with everything that’s trying to kill us these days! Here’s to many more!
Funny 70th Birthday Wishes For Wife
🎈 Age is just a number if the mind runs faster than you’re willing to drive, and turning seventy means that you won’t go over 35. Happy birthday wife.
🎈 Looking at you always takes me back to when we were in our twenties, and the passion within me burns just as hot. Happy 70th birthday, to my eternal flame. But let’s keep the light off, okay!
🎈 Better than any other birthday message, I’m using your birthday card to let you know that the doctor called and said that you have a clean bill of health. Happy birthday from your loving husband!
Catchy 70th Birthday Phrases
🎈 Were you expecting witty 70th birthday greetings from your own wife? I did try to think of some, after all, but I didn’t bother to copy one down since you can barely see well enough to read a card. (was that good?) Happy birthday my love, here’s to many more.
🎈 Keeping up with a girl like you was always hard, and now that you’re turning 70, I’m still in your dust, happy 70th birthday to my favorite girl.
🎈 Don’t think of it like you’re already 70, but that you’re only 70 years old. Thank you for all the happiness we have enjoyed over the years, you are all the joy I need in my life. Wishing a very happy birthday to my always love.
🎈 Unlike a goldfish, hamster, or puppy, you would’ve been much harder to replace without the kids noticing! Thank you for hanging around, I love you! Happy birthday sweetheart.
🎈 Do you know you’ve been alive for seven decades?? That sounds exhausting!! Maybe we should go lie down. Happy birthday darling.
70th Birthday Card Messages
Do you know someone who is turning 70 years old, and you want to come up with a some creative 70th birthday card messages? Check out the following 70th birthday card messages and make someone’s day!
Turning 70 is a big deal! So take the time to write some funny 70th birthday wishes and make their day!
🎈 Prayers brought an amazing person into my life, and through the grace of God, you became my wife. Please enjoy your special day, with your husband who’s old and gray. Could you please stop looking so great, it’s getting harder and harder to keep up with you! Have a wonderful birthday sweetheart.
🎈 Angels don’t all have wings; after all, you never fly anywhere! Happy 70th birthday, to my wife who truly fell from heaven.
🎈 Walking everywhere with you is a pleasure, including past this milestone of turning 70. Cheers to another wonderful year together! Happy birthday my love.
🎈 Wives everywhere should look to you as the golden standard, after only 70 years, you’ve perfected the art of womanhood.
🎈 Old age happens when you survive being young, which is rare in itself. Surviving a husband like me up to the age of 70 makes you a superhero!
🎈 70 years = 25,550 days. That’s a lot of days to be happy, motivated, and focused on what’s important in life. Wishing a very special birthday to my wonderful mom.
70th Birthday Messages for Cards
70th Birthday quotes can be sweet, inspirational, or even funny. No matter what the tone, these beautiful happy birthday quotes are sure to bring a smile to the face of someone turning 70 this year!
We have only th ebest birthday wishes for a 70th birthday!
🎈 Sending the best birthday wishes to my sweet friend, happy birthday mom. I hope you have a wonderful day, let’s get this party started!
🎈To the greatest mother I know, may your day be filled with everything and everyone you love. Wishing you all the joy today, happy birthday xo.
🎈 To the greatest mother in the whole wide world, I can’t believe you’re turning 70 today! Let’s celebrate your life today, and may god bless you, and may he continue to keep you in good health.
🎈 To my best friend, my mom! Today is a big day for her, as we all get together to celebrate this big day with her. Happy birthday to my wonderful mom.
🎈 To my amazing friend, enjoy your day filled with all your favorite things. You have been a role model to me, enjoy your great day, and have a wonderful birthday.
🎈 To my dear friend, sending you the best wishes on your birthday, have a great birthday dad.
70 Year Old Birthday Sayings
🎈 Happy 70th to my wonderful father, I hope you have a great birthday, I’m excited to share your special day with you.
🎈 To my dearest mom, boy you’re old lol. Just kidding, enjoy your special day, wishing you a wonderful birthday.
🎈 Happy 70th birthday to such a wonderful woman, today I have planned some fun things for all of us to do together, as we come together to celebrate such an amazing person. Happy birthday sweet friend.
🎈 Happy 70th birthday wishes to my loving mother. Today it is a joy to celebrate you my friend. I am so blessed to have you as my mother, happy 70th birthday mommy.
🎈 70 is just a number,,,,,,it’s not how old you are, but how young you feel, happy 70th birthday to one of my favorite people. You have had quite the life, my friend.
🎈 To my very first friend, and my amazing aunt, I love you so much, you are the sweetest person I know. Happy 70th birthday to my special friend.
🎈 Wishing the most fabulous birthday to my very first friend. We have been besties now for a long (60 gulp years). We’ve enjoyed an amazing life, as best friends cheers to you today, let’s go enjoy your birthday cake! Happy 70th birthday, my dear friend.
70th Birthday Messages
🎈 You bring so much joy to my life, it’s only right that on your happy 70th birthday, we are all blessed to celebrate this wonderful woman. Happy birthday mom.
🎈 On this special day, I want to wish you all the happiness in the world. You’ve been through so much in your 70 years, and you’ve come out stronger every time. I so admire your strength and resilience, and I’m so happy to be able to share your 70th birthday with you. May your next 70 be even better than the first, happy 70th birthday dad.
🎈 Hi dad, as you celebrate your 70th birthday, I want to extend my warmest wishes and say how happy I am that you have reached this important milestone. It seems like yesterday, we were celebrating your 60th, and now here we are at your 70th birthday! May your day be filled with happiness and all the love in the world.
🎈 The secret to staying young is to live honestly, eat slowly, and lie about your age. Happy 70th birthday mom, you don’t look a day over 69!
🎈 You know you’re getting old when the candles cost more than the cake!
Turning 70 One Liners
Know someone about to celebrate a 70th birthday? Here are some short funny 70th birthday wishes for you to choose from!
🎈 Turning 70: where ‘getting lucky’ means finding your car in the parking lot. Happy birthday.
🎈 Life begins at 70; everything before that was just practice.Happy birthday!
🎈 At 70, wrinkles merely indicate where the smiles have been. We’ve had plenty of fun times, happy birthday my love.
🎈 Turning 70 is like being fined for something you didn’t even do – congratulations, you’re old!
🎈 At 70, you have the right to forget names. It’s not a senior moment; it’s a selective memory upgrade! Happy birthday dad!
🎈 Turning 70 is a triumph of survival. You’ve officially outrun your warranty. Happy birthday old man!