Share The LOVE!

Funny Coffee Quotes To Start Your Day With A Laugh

For many of us, the day doesn’t truly start without some kind of caffeinated drink; in particular, coffee is a favorite among people from all walks of life. Whether you enjoy it from a mug on your porch, in a to-go cup while driving, or congealed on your dashboard from an earlier spill, coffee is more than likely a huge part of your life.

Having said that, you should be ready with funny coffee quotes to connect with your fellow coffee lovers. They might spit their coffee out while bursting into laughter, but they’ll think of you while cleaning it up!

What Is A Good Quote About Coffee?

  • Sorry if I offended you, but you shouldn’t approach me before I have coffee.
  • Waking up happens one way or another, but awareness doesn’t happen until a cup of coffee comes into play.
  • No one can pick me up like a strong, full-bodied, black… delightful little cup of coffee!
  • Hail, Coffee, full of taste, the Flavor is with thee…
  • If coffee doesn’t wake you up, then you are probably dead!
important dates tracker ad

Keep Track Of Your Important Dates With Our FREE Tracker

5_Ways_To_Show_Her_You_Care
5_Ways_To_Show_Her_You_Care
  • Drinking coffee is all fun and games until someone brews a pot of decaf.
  • Good days start with coffee in your cup but turn into bad days when it spills on your lap.
  • “Coffee, cigarettes and men… I like all three a lot, but coffee is number one.” ~~ Jamie Lee Curtis
  • Just because you need to drink coffee to live doesn’t mean that you have an addiction.
  • How many cups of coffee does it take to get to the center of an insomnia problem?

Our culture runs on coffee and gasoline, the first often tasting like the second.

What Do You Say To A Coffee Lover?

  • I promise coffee will make you more interesting!
  • Make sure you have plenty of coffee in your house, so you don’t leave without your pants on or something like that.
  • If you want me to do a single thing right, you’d better put a delightful little cup of joe in my hands!
  • A day without coffee?  I’m sorry I don’t understand the question.
  • My coffee pot is my best friend… It’s a little bit squatter than I would like, but it never complains or bores me with stories about its family.
funny coffee quotes on a mug
  • Gassing up to greet the day is one delightful little cup of coffee away!
  • Coffee because it’s Monday….AGAIN! 
  • When your morning is going wrong in every way, all you need is coffee to turn around your day.
  • Keep your coffee dark, and maybe your outlook will be on the bright side.
  • Statements made before coffee consumption are null and void. Please direct any complaints to your local cafe.
aLL YOU NEED IS COFFEE WRITTEN ON COFFEE CUP

Coffee Jokes Quotes

  • Irish coffee – is there any other kind?
  • No one’s beliefs are wrong unless they believe coffee is bad.
  • You better believe that I’m drinking and driving- after all, I can’t even start the car without drinking coffee, first!
  • Nothing gets me hotter or leaves me more satisfied than rich, black, strong deliciousness. That’s right, I mean a delightful little cup of espresso!
  • Because sleeping doesn’t get anything done, I just make sure my blood-coffee level is at least 0.10% at all times.
  • It’s coffee ’till I die.
  • Gotta love that first sip of freshly brewed morning joe! Coffee: The miracle drink.  
  • One does not simply focus more; that’s what coffee is for.
  • Me trying to interact with people before my morning coffee is just asking for trouble.
  • As Donna A. Favors has said, “It’s amazing how the world begins to change through the eyes of a cup of coffee.” Now that I’m fully awake, I can see just how crappy the world is.

Coffee Gifts About Coffee For Coffee People

Start Your Day With Funny Coffee Quotes

  • “Rise and shine” means coffee time.
  • The best coffee is not too strong, not too weak, but just right.
  • Although I’m capable of waking up without coffee, it’s not pretty.
  • Technically, a simple cup of coffee counts as a serving of beans- coffee beans, that is.
  • It’s not like coffee grows on trees… Oh wait, it does.
  • Life is coffee and coffee is life.
  • Howard Schultz once said, “I was taken by the power that savoring a simple cup of coffee can have to connect people and create community.” Of course, a community of coffee lovers can have the same energy as a madhouse!
  • Come to the dark side; by which I mean drinking coffee black.
  • Before coffee, I’m the Wicked Witch of the West. After coffee, I’m still kind of a witch but I go by my first name.
  • Being single doesn’t mean that I don’t wake up with someone I love; after all, coffee is always there for me.
  • The earlier I wake, the more coffee I make.
Coffee Quote typography in frame

Coffee Quotes Short

  • Having kids is a reason for having coffee.
  • My coffee pot keeps me company, makes me smile, and tells me I’m loved.
  • Like a terrible neighbor, coffee keeps you up at all hours. However, you still invite it back into your home.
  • The worst part about coffee is waiting to get your first cup.
  • Disaster is when your coffee maker breaks.
  • Can’t wake up: send coffee.
  • I judge others by the contents of their coffee cup.
  • Happiness is relative to coffee levels.
  • Stop right there! You had me at coffee.
  • Friends don’t let friends go without coffee.

Coffee should be black as hell, strong as death and sweet as love.

Coffee Makes My Day Quotes

  • Having an awful morning isn’t the end of the world, because everything gets better with coffee.
  • As Flash Rosenberg said, “I believe get a lot done not because we’re smart, but because we have thumbs so we can make coffee.” 
  • No one works harder than my coffee machine- except maybe my toilet.
  • Donuts and a delightful little cup of caffeinated bliss make waking up a pleasure. It’s everything else that makes me want to crawl back in bed.
  • What gets you stimulated first thing, even after you didn’t get a good night’s sleep, and leaves you satisfied all day? Coffee of course.
woman drinking coffee with coffee is my hero text on blackboard
  • When my day is spiraling out of control, coffee is my hero without a cape.
  • Instant coffee is an instant facelift.
  • Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, and before me, I behold a beautiful, delightful little cup of coffee.
  • Staying up late, waking up early, and getting through the mid-day slump: drinking coffee solves all these problems.
  • I want coffee. I want coffee now. Maybe later too but right now… coffee!
woman face down on computer with empty coffee mug

I Like My Coffee Strong Quote

  • Don’t mistake me for a weakling, because I like my coffee stronger than the hand of God.
  • I like my coffee to be stronger than my problems, bitter as my thoughts, and black as night.
  • Coffee keeps me from hurting others!
  • Drinking coffee that’s weak is like having warm, brown water- I want boiling, bitter, black sludge in my mug!
  • I like my coffee stronger than a weightlifting champion in his prime!
  • Strong-minded people need strong coffee. Weak-minded people drink tea.
  • I take my coffee like my thoughts: dark, but strong.
  • If the coffee isn’t strong enough to raise the dead, it isn’t strong enough to wake me up.
  • Like a perfect woman, I like my coffee rich, strong, and aromatic.
  • For those difficult mornings, I need my coffee stronger than Oprah’s workout clothes.

Good Morning Coffee Quotes

  • Even bad coffee is better than none at all when you have a caffeine addiction.
  • Coffee can fix just about anything if you don’t have time to deal with it yourself.
  • Flowers and candy are fine, but coffee is the key to my heart.
  • Don’t talk to me before coffee if you want to talk nice.
  • Birds singing, sun shining, and kids playing are all wonderful morning sounds, unless you haven’t had a cup of coffee yet.
  • Hiding the coffee pot isn’t a funny coffee prank, it’s an act of war.
  • Good coffee is like good loving; it’s hard to find, and when you do, it’s best not to mess with it. ~ Aaron Brown
  • Carnage, mayhem, and chaos: that’s my morning without drinking coffee.
  • A word of advice: don’t get between me and my coffee, for your own safety.
blond woman drinking coffee in red cup

Need My Coffee Quotes

  • Call me Captain Caffeine, because I drink coffee by the boatload!
  • If I only drink one cup of coffee in a day, it’s got to be a Godzilla-sized cup.
  • There are at least 500 things that urgently need to be done… But first, coffee.
  • I wouldn’t say that I enjoy coffee, so much as that I need it to live.
  • I’m not constantly drinking coffee; after all, I sleep sometimes.
  • Speaking to me before I have a cup of coffee is just asking to have your head bit off.
  • I would never lie, cheat, or steal- unless coffee was on the line.
  • Constipation, irritability, and grogginess: coffee solves all these problems!
  • A true coffee lover is easy to identify- you can always smell it on their breath.
  • Having coffee stains on all my clothes is a small price to pay for being fully awake every day!

Way too much coffee. But if it weren't for the coffee, I'd have no identifiable personality whatsoever.

Inspirational Coffee Quotes

  • Coffee doesn’t judge you- only people that aren’t coffee lovers do that.
  • Strong coffee hits you like a strong right hook, but it wakes you up instead of knocking you out!
  • Drinking too much coffee doesn’t give you the jitters, it just puts your body into overdrive!
  • When your mind is willing but your body not able, have a delightful little cup of Joe on the table.
  • It’s not safe for me to be in public without drinking coffee first; not for me, but everyone else.
  • Ashes to ashes, dust to dust; life is hard, so coffee’s a must!
  • Funny coffee quotes don’t appeal to me because I’m dead serious about my coffee.
  • It’s okay if your problems keep you up at night, so long as you have coffee to keep you awake during the day.
  • You see a simple cup of coffee, whereas I see a lifesaver.
  • Coffee is the real spice of life.
Woman holding a cup of coffee in hands below funny coffee quote

Short Coffee Quotes

  • Coffee is concentrated willpower.
  • Humans get a lot of natural resources from the Earth, coffee being the most important.
  • No adulting before coffee!
  • Quitters never win, and I’ll bet they never drink coffee, either.
  • To see a smile on my face, have a simple cup of coffee ready at your place.
  • Funny coffee quotes  about running out of coffee just make me sad.
  • Coffee breaks never come quickly enough- or last long enough, for that matter.
  • Regardless of how fashion changes over time, drinking coffee never goes out of style.
  • Doctors say that beans are great for your health- coffee is definitely bean soup.
  • Perfect friends don’t exist, but the perfect cup of coffee does!
coffee cup beside photo of wife kissing husband and funny coffee quote

Quotes About Coffee And Friends

  • Friends made while drinking coffee last a long time like a bold, rich flavor.
  • Thomas Jefferson was of the opinion that coffee is “the favorite beverage of the civilized world” so tea drinkers must’ve looked like savages, to him.
  • Friendship is a great excuse to get someone else to buy you a cup of coffee- that’s why I have so many!
  • You’re the only person I know that drinks more coffee than I do, but I’m catching up!
  • Best friends that are coffee lovers are more like Sisters of the Bean-hood.
  • Life without coffee is like life without friends- a lot of stuff is harder to swallow.
  • When coffee is the cornerstone of your friendship, it’s built on a foundation that’s meant to last.
  • Is there a better way to start your day
    than coffee in your cup? If you say yes, I’m not impressed
    and I think that’s messed up.
  • I don’t have a problem with drinking coffee: I have a problem with my friends who don’t.
  • We don’t always agree with our friends, but being fellow coffee lovers is all that really matters.

It is inhumane, in my opinion, to force people who have a genuine medical need for coffee to wait in line behind people who apparently view it as some kind of recreational activity.

Beautiful Coffee Quotes

  • “We want to do a lot of stuff; we’re not in great shape. We didn’t get a good night’s sleep. We’re a little depressed. Coffee solves all these problems in one delightful little cup.”- Jerry Seinfeld
  • The best accessory to complete any look is a simple cup of coffee.
  • People look better after a beer, but after a cup of coffee… Well, let’s just say that you’re awake enough to see what they REALLY look like.
  • Looking into a cup of coffee is like locking eyes with a lover.
  • You’d look a lot cuter with a cup of coffee in your hand!
  • Mornings enjoyed spent drinking coffee sparkle with ethereal magic, like a unicorn farting rainbows that explode into cupcakes.
  • You can’t buy beauty with all the money in the world, but you can see it in a simple cup of coffee on a hectic morning. Also, there’s surgery.
  • Coffee and doughnuts can help you get into great shape; after all, round is a shape.
  • Nothing covers up the smell of morning breath better than drinking more coffee!
  • May the power of coffee make your Monday feel like a Saturday.
Cup on table looking outside

Best Coffee Quotes Sayings

  • Bad turns to worse unless drinking coffee comes first.
  • The best way to start your day is as the coffee lovers say: with a full cup of hot bean juice.
  • My dream job is a professional coffee lover; after all, I already do it for free.
  • I’m perfectly sane without coffee, but all of my personalities enjoy it.
  • Roses are red, violets are blue, I haven’t had my coffee, F**K you.
  • It’s always wise not to talk to me until after my first cup of coffee.
  • I have coffee therefore I am — awake.
  • Coffee gives me a reason to wake up every day.
  • Coffee makes everything better.
  • Coffee is the reason why you are still alive.
  • Money isn’t everything, but you need at least a little for coffee.
  • Don’t let the funny coffee quotes on the mugs confuse you- drinking coffee is no joke in my household.
  • Drinking coffee won’t stop you from doing something dumb, but you’ll do it much faster.
  • With a little help from coffee, I’m not a total monster.
  • When life brings you down, coffee can perk you up. Life still sucks, but at least coffee exists.

Best Coffee Mugs for Gifts

Coffee Quotes Funny Sayings

  • No, I’m not a mind reader- I just drink enough coffee to hear particularly loud thoughts.
  • I don’t do windows, I don’t do diapers, and I don’t do anything before drinking coffee.
  • You can never have too many coffee cups.
  • Drinking coffee makes me feel like I can do absolutely anything, even though I’m too lazy to actually want to.
  • Not that I would die without coffee, but I’d rather not risk trying.
  • My kids know better than to approach me before I’ve had my first cup of coffee!
  • The most dangerous thing in our house is ME…………without coffee.
  • I’m looking for someone who can make me feel the way my coffee does – hot and happy.
  • As long as we have coffee, everything should be fine.
  • Behind every mom is a substantial cup of coffee.
  • If you don’t have coffee in your hand, I’m going to need you to go away.
  • Yes, I could start my day without coffee, but nobody wants to see that.
  • Coffee is my happy place.
  • I’m allergic to mornings.  Coffee is my medicine. 
  • Coffee turns swears into smiles.

Short Funny Coffee Sayings

  • Serving instant coffee to a guest is a sign that they’re unwanted.
  • My first cup of coffee was a turning point in my life- I never had a personality before becoming a coffee lover.
  • I’d rather have a simple cup of coffee than a fancy, extravagant, and expensive non-caffeinated drink.
  • A delightful little cup of coffee can calm down the big bad wolf in all of us.
  • A lot of stuff in the world is bad for you, but I refuse to believe that coffee is one of them.
  • If I had to choose between coffee and world peace, I would need a cup of coffee to decide.
  • Life without coffee is called death.
  • Coffee is tolerance.
  • We were totally incompatible… I’m Espresso he was Cold Brew…
  • Coffee the wine of the morning

Famous Coffee Quotes And Sayings



Good communication is just as stimulating as black coffee, and just as hard to sleep after.



Coffee first, schemes later



Coffee is a language in itself.



Smell the roses. Smell the coffee. Whatever it is that makes you happy.



I like coffee because it gives me the illusion that I might be awake



Once you wake up and smell the coffee, it's hard to go back to sleep.



To me, the smell of fresh-made coffee is one of the greatest inventions.



Never trust anyone who doesn't drink coffee.



Coffee is a beverage that puts one to sleep when not drank.



Coffee and smoking are the last great addictions.

Funny Coffee Quotes